Sunday, March 14, 2004
Another late night;
The feeling of cold metal
Pressed against my arm
Another lucky drop of blood
Escapes its disgusting cage;
Escapes from this charade
Another problem left ignored
And another problem made
I hate myself before the blade
I hate myself after the blood
But during I'm too fucked to care
Too caught up in this delirium
During, everything's okay;
Nothing can get wores than this
You can't surprise me
Kniving world!
I've already ruined myself!
Rock bottom and I'm still digging
The blood speaks for itself
EVERYTHING IS GOOD
AND I'M STILL BLEEDING
Laughing while inside I cry
And I'm feeling strangely fine
I feel so fucking fine
I thought that I was worth it
Worthless
I thought that I was alright
Uptight
I was only trying to fix it.
I fucked it up instead.
leaving skool //icarus// at 12:37 PM [comment]
{xoxo}
Thursday, March 11, 2004
There are things in life
You crave, but do not know
And this is the proof
Of predestination
There are things you need
That you've never felt before
And once you've known them
You've found home
There are words that complete your soul
A touch that restores the damaged
An embrace overshadowing all the world
There is a happiness so great
It almost pains
To know this moment's feelings
Are not eternal
The warmth of fingers on my face
The heat of tears against my cheek
The burning honesty of those words;
You are worth it.
'Til now it was those things I never knew
And now that I've met them
I've seen my destiny
It was those things making up my desires
And now that I've quenched them
I've found home
It is the bittersweet melancholy
Not so much the actions
As the feelings
It is the knowledge
That all is well
Because someone
Lord, someone
Believes I'm worth it
leaving skool //icarus// at 6:28 AM [comment]
{xoxo}
A sea at war with itself
Myself, an innocent watcher
So cruelly engulfed
So violently pulled
Into the watery trenches
Buried alive beneath the tides
Clawing at water
Desperate for air
And the war rages on around me
Fighting against
What is stronger than myself,
The pressure
Threatens to crush me
My vision
Begins to fade
My last bit of breath escapes me
And I am grasped at the shoulders;
Dragged into a foreign land
Where gravity rules more harshly
And something, someone pounds against me
Until I am forced to breathe
Hands, honest and warm
Heal me
And with every touch,
Out of my mind
Slips further
The war
leaving skool //icarus// at 6:09 AM [comment]
{xoxo}
Tuesday, January 06, 2004
Change
Trying so hard to feel
This agony, this pain,
This fear
Searching for emotion
Some color in this
Melancholy
Black and white
Scene
Drowning in this happiness
Create some misery
Looking in the mirror
Never seeing what
I want to see
Tear myself to pieces
Pull my insides out
Seeing who I am
Change
I want to change
I will never be the same
Change
I'm gonna change
Happiness for once
Instead of all this pain
No more tragic beauty
That only makes me hideous
Only feed my own disgust
I am going to be me
Rather than trying to be
Interesting
I'm gonna be happy
For once and forever
I'm gonna realize
How lucky
I am
To have you
How much
I need you
To live
And I'm gonna
Cling to you
Every waking moment
And dream of you
At night
Change
I'm changing
For once and forever
For the better
leaving skool //icarus// at 4:18 PM [comment]
{xoxo}
Thursday, December 04, 2003
Joyful
Rosy cheeks and
Clear laughter
The world spins; it flys
Losing myself
In what surrounds me,
I look into your eyes
Entrapped for just one moment
In an eternity of love
My breath stolen away
With a warm summer wind
The lights spinning 'round;
But all is lost to us
The world; it roars, applauds, it screams
Yet there is only perfect clean silence
And the breathing of me
Mixed in with you
leaving skool //icarus// at 6:33 AM [comment]
{xoxo}
Lovely
You're just so lovely
Carressing your lips
Looking into your eyes
Dreaming
I must be dreaming
In this sweet ardor
I can't help but gasp for breath
And cry;
Perfect!
It's all been perfect
Your name is always
Wafting through my mind
Drowning
In you, I'm drowning
Losing myself inside
Passion, like I've never known
Engulfs me, through and through
Lovely
You're really so lovely
Believe when I say
I love you
leaving skool //icarus// at 6:32 AM [comment]
{xoxo}
Monday, September 08, 2003
stripping myself of my wings tonight
put away the innocence;
I'll be unkind
searching for what's me tonight
pulling of the mask
I'll be a fright
gonna cry real tears tonight
gonna have a stream of red hot blood
I'll be, in spite
finding my way home tonight
screaming out to you
I'll be alright
leaving skool //icarus// at 6:06 AM [comment]
{xoxo}
Wednesday, September 03, 2003
I surrender
I surrender to the life after
Sacrifice the blood and spill the truth
Replace mournful tears for careless laughter
No longer overcomplicate my youth
I surrender
I surrender to a life without you
I'll find a home among my own pure thoughts
Away from angry words and double standards
Achieve a few more haves than I have nots
My own ideals once again are slandered
I surrender
leaving skool //icarus// at 5:52 PM [comment]
{xoxo}
Sunday, August 24, 2003
Deny
My being
Refuse
My worth
I am
Synthetic
Existing
For what?
leaving skool //icarus// at 9:16 PM [comment]
{xoxo}
Saturday, August 16, 2003
Your words
So sweet
So soft
So cruel
Lead me to believe
Emotions you say
That you have felt
And I
Am left
Alone
Your words
So gentle
So clever
So false
I could not have concieved
That this pain
Could come
From you
Alone
Your words
So close
So near
So far
From believing what you said
Actions speak stronger
Than words
Alone
Your words
So empty
So hollow
So gone
leaving skool //icarus// at 6:38 PM [comment]
{xoxo}
Friday, August 08, 2003
Your skin
Tells stories
Of pennance
And pain
Of happiness
And joy
I read it
With my fingertips
My lips
Leave my stories
There as well
More stories
Of happiness
To cover up
Your pain
leaving skool //icarus// at 4:51 PM [comment]
{xoxo}
I'm alone without you
The words I hear
Fall flat
I can't breathe without you
Suffocate, deprivate
I cry
There is no point without you!
Why try, when all I feel
Is loss
I'm alone without you
I can only fall flat
leaving skool //icarus// at 4:49 PM [comment]
{xoxo}
I can see into forever
When I'm seeing it with you
Life doesn't seem so uncertain
When I'm holding your hand
I'm not so afraid
Of until death do we part
Because I never want to part
With you
I'm okay with forever
If forever feels like today
I can't run from eternity
Because I can't run from you
How could I let go of this?
I could never part
With you
leaving skool //icarus// at 4:48 PM [comment]
{xoxo}
I know what you are thinking
But I feign ignorance
I know that you are hurting
That I should go
I know the way you're feeling
I understand your pain
I know that I'm just lonely
That there's nothing left to gain
I know I'm planning for a future
That may never come
I'm clinging much too tightly
Scaring you away
I know that pretending won't heal you
I know just who you are
I know just what you're thinking
And I know
You're hearing my thoughts too
leaving skool //icarus// at 4:46 PM [comment]
{xoxo}
I am a mystery
To myself
A question
With no answer heard
I don't know why
I do what I do
Or how
I get where I go
I'm afraid
Of what I'm capable
Of doing
Of words
I'm capable
Of saying
I fear myself
More than any other
Entity
Definition of
Your own worst
Enemy
leaving skool //icarus// at 4:44 PM [comment]
{xoxo}
Exhaustion
And I fall into your arms
Held until the world just dies away
Sleep
With you until the end of time
No world necessary
Beyond your eyes
Cry
For all I've lost
And all I've gained
Tears upom my cheek are swept away
Sing
The joy and sing the pain
Sing what words alone
Cannot explain
Sleep
With you until the end of time
No world necessary
Beyond your eyes
leaving skool //icarus// at 4:43 PM [comment]
{xoxo}
Sunday morning
Awakening to pain
Finding myself crying
For what I have not yet lost
I can only believe for so long
That it all will be okay
How many sundays now
Have I bled for what I loved
Messy but fulfilling
Somehow what I need
There is no pain so great
No fear could ever match
That subtle
Earth-shattering
Seperation
Between saturday night
And sunday morning
leaving skool //icarus// at 4:39 PM [comment]
{xoxo}
This is what you asked for
What you needed
Right?
This is where the road led
Where the questions end
Where the answers start
This is the end of the beginning
But a new beginning will commence
This is not a clean slate
But a new inning of our lives
This is the second chance
THe bases were loaded
And for once
I didn't strike out
Maybe words are enough
Or at least
Some simple poetry
leaving skool //icarus// at 4:37 PM [comment]
{xoxo}
I carve my pain into my skin
It helps me to forget at first
Helps me to remember again
Blood can wash away these tears
But blood still can leave a mark
What can wash away the blood?
What can fix my soul's unrest?
Where can i find home?
I'm sick of this unhappiness
I'm sick of all this fear
I'm sick of my poor tortured skin
More than you could ever know
I will not waste my days
Trying to prolong them
I will settle this tonight
Life and death are my only options
What I choose becomes my fate
Impurity of my emotions
Confuses this disease
I carve my pain into my skin
It helps me to forget at first
Helps me to remember again
leaving skool //icarus// at 4:35 PM [comment]
{xoxo}
Words are not enough for you
Explanations can't change the truth
I know what I did was wrong
My shame does not come easily
My regrets are hard to find
My words aren't loose and free for me
Truth is not the best way out
Pretending kept us safe
At least postponed the pain
I cried, I cut, I bled for this
Suffered so you wouldn't have to
I didn't want to burden you
Honesty isn't always what you need
Truth is painful on a night like this
My words are what we needed to live
Fake, but still so nourishing
My words are all I have to give
Before this last apology
My words are not enough to give
And neither's this apology
I'm not enough to live
I'll give this last apology
leaving skool //icarus// at 4:32 PM [comment]
{xoxo}
I want you
But don't need you
I have to tell myself
I love you
But can't trust you
I always tell myself
You're my best friend
And worst enemy
Because I remember how it felt
To love you
Trust you
Need you
And have you lie to me
I need to say goodbye
I don't want to say goodbye
I know this is dangerous
Our little games are dangerous for me
But don't let that curb your cruelty
I want you
But I don't need you
I always tell myself
Goodbye
leaving skool //icarus// at 4:28 PM [comment]
{xoxo}
I will triumph
Against my beliefs
I am stronger
Than what I know
I am learning
Great new things
I am moving
Never running
My path goes forward
And so do I
Always homeward
Or so it seems
leaving skool //icarus// at 4:26 PM [comment]
{xoxo}
You make me cheap like you are
You make me worthless like you
Like corner-store wine
You are too sweet
A physical connection
Doesn't make us soulmates
It only fills your need
How long did it take me to find
It only makes me cheap like you
You've told me I could learn from you
But the noble won't learn from a fool
The valued can't learn from the worthless
And your lies will never be true
Your touch doesn't make me special
My love will never bring you joy
You make me a weaker person
Worthless, and unkind
You make me a cheaper person
A fact that took me so long to find
leaving skool //icarus// at 4:25 PM [comment]
{xoxo}
I refuse to show mercy for my own sins
I must be punished for being weak
And yes, I understand
I get what I deserve
Others tell me to let it go
But deep inside I will know
I scarred my innocence
Try as I might to repent
I get what I deserve
Physically I must do harm
And mentally the thought will haunt me
Follow me until I find
I get what I deserve
But no, I won't show mercy
Let knowledge take its full effect
Against this mortal mind
I will do whatever it takes
To learn from my mistakes
I get what I deserve
Darkness as my only light
I refused to run but would not fight
I rose above the clouds to shine
And set out for a better life
I got what I deserved
leaving skool //icarus// at 4:22 PM [comment]
{xoxo}
Monday, August 04, 2003
Thoughts run thick
Full of tension
Eager for the words to come
A song I do not know
Sing with me
The words will come
Red passion in your lips
Shall I say it
Or will it be you?
It's coming, it must
The words will come
So sing with me
Shall I say it
Or will it be you?
The words will come
They come, they come
leaving skool //icarus// at 1:18 PM [comment]
{xoxo}
Saturday, July 05, 2003
You are my favorite drug
Withdrawals are getting harder
Addiction getting stronger
My need grows
With my love
My pain
With my happiness
Loneliness so powerful
A soul so alone
When can I cut away
All these ties that bond
Holding me in this place
Of superficial smiles
And artificial personalities
I won't let this be my home
Home is where the heart is
I want to go home
To my addiction
leaving skool //icarus// at 9:34 AM [comment]
{xoxo}
Tuesday, July 01, 2003
I'm afraid of you
Like you're afraid of you
Trembling at the thought
Of my essence discovered
Of my being erased
Like you've done before
Like I know you'll do again
I wish that I could trust you!
That I could speak my mind again
These thoughts clunking and weighing down my brain
Begging to be released
And spread upon their snowy home
To be made tangible
To escape the unholy land
And make their home
Among my home
Inside my words
But they are hidden
In fear
I hide them
Because I would so hate to lose them
leaving skool //icarus// at 9:30 AM [comment]
{xoxo}
Monday, June 30, 2003
I want to waste away
Become nothing
Slip past your view
The less ground I cover
The less you can attack me
Gentle! Be gentle with me
I'm fragile, don't touch me!
I hate it when you touch me!
I hate the words you always speak!
GENTLE! Be gentle with me!
I'm quickly becoming nothing
Like you want me to be
Turn into something beautiful
Become the skin and bones
I'll be more than what you want me to be
By being so much less
leaving skool //icarus// at 8:45 PM [comment]
{xoxo}
